Biting into a donut burger for the first time is similar to your tastebuds getting an illegal lap dance from a tacky flavor stripper. Your tastebuds will both love it and simultaneously feel deep shame for loving it.

A Krispy Kreme donut burger is a burger with two sugar glazed donuts instead of a bun. So it goes as follows: Glazed donut, beef patty,  melted cheese, crispy bacon, and another glazed donut. So… diet food.

I first saw this frankenfood on the Paula Deen show, many many many years back, on the Food Network. This was, of course, before announcing her diabetes and “going healthy.” For anyone that doesn’t know Paula Deen, she hosted a cooking show based out of savannah, Georgia. She began almost every recipe with either two sticks of butter, a few cups of mayonnaise, or bacon.

In one episode Mrs.Deen goes to a Krispy Kreme to see how the donuts are made. She ends up going home with a few boxes to cook up delicious meals with. Yup, that’s right, cook with the donuts. She made a bread pudding (in which she uses 24 donuts, condensed milk, and butter). She also made a crazy, over-the-top donut burger (which she called The Lady’s Brunch Burger).

I remember watching  and being simultaneously horrified and fascinated. Part of my brain was telling me that this was revolting, a food sacrilege, and the other part of my brain was saying
“mmmm donut burger.” I tucked this horrifically intriguing memory away in my brain and went on with my life. Until one glorious day a few weeks back in Atlanta.

I was at Cypress Street Pint and Plate in Midtown with a friend about to grab a quick bite to eat. There it was on the menu, the Paula Deen Krispy Kreme donut burger. Those same two feelings arose instantaneously. I was disgusted that it was there, but I also knew I had to order it. My friend and I had already agreed to do the sharing thing, so I had to now convince her that this was a good idea. Long story short, she gave in and we ordered it.

Sweet, salty, meaty, juicy, umami, squishy, moist, cheesy, gooey are but a few words that come to mind when I remember the first bite I took of this infamous burger. I wanted to hate it, I wanted to hate it real bad. It was, am ashamed to say, D-licious. This burger should literally be ilegal, it’s that addictive. All the flavors meld into each other and you don’t know where the burger begins and your gluttony ends. It is the kind of burger you take to a sleazy motel and eat on the bed, in your underwear while you watch Kill Bill (Totally hypothetical fantasy here).

The only way to add more calorie to this burger is to follow it up with a shot of melted lard. This burger is the physical representation of culinary debauchery. I wanted to believe that my taste was more refined, that my tastebuds would label this burger as vulgar in flavor and crude in design. Regrettably that was not the case, I devoured my half of the burger like it was my job. Did I feel disgusting physically and mentally? Yes I did! Would I order this burger again? Yes, yes I would! Am I proud of this fact? Not one bit.